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🎃Hiatus, Introspection & Forward Thinking 🎃

Hello Cozy Sprouts!


How is everyone? Are you prepared for the autumn season? Excited? I know I am! As I have been getting older, I have been slowing down my everyday processes. Mentally and emotionally, and even taking in my surroundings more. This autumn feels special in that regard.


BUT!


Two weeks ago; starting in the middle of August and into the middle of September, I decided to go on a month-long hiatus. Away from the internet, from social media and truth be told, all of it. I needed a mental refresh, I needed a time of silence for just myself. I lowered my internet usage to just work, while finding entertainment elsewhere like in books, drawing, painting fun little projects, some games and overall just allowing myself the space to do nothing. Empty my mind and allow myself to feel mental clarity.


I have been on a long journey of mental healing,

and this is only another step in it. I have been on a road of healing for the past 6 years. Changing my behaviours, my mannerisms, how I view things, how I approach things and digging deep into why I have been the way I have. What lead me to be like XYZ and come to my mental conclusions... truth be told, I got to the point where I was getting tired of my shit and I needed things to change. I came to see and accept many of my flaws, and over the hiatus, I was able to fully admit them. Embracing them has been a challenge, but to change, they need to be embraced. I came to understand that I have been lonely, that I have been dealing with a lot of negativity in my life which has seeped into my person and affected all aspects of my life. It's muddled with my ability to see my self-worth, to stop taking things for granted towards myself, to truly appreciate things towards myself and muddled my motivation to do what I love doing- art.


A lot of this, I have known. I have been told, it's been made aware. But it wasnt until the hiatus, that I shut everything out to allow myself to feel and truly dig deep into these feelings and delve deeper into where it all began, that the fog over my head has been slowly beginning to dissipate. Embracing, loving, accepting and owning who you are with confidence can be hard, and even scary. But it truly takes time, a lot of these things I've needed the guidance of those of whom I love to show me just how much self-neglect I have been doing. How much ignoring of my passions, desires and dreams. Putting others before myself and not allowing myself to breathe in the way I needed to.


The hiatus was truly something I needed. Just space to think and breathe. I wasn't writing things down and contemplating things the entire time. Sometimes all we need is a break, a space of clarity and silence to be able to allow things to sink in without always jumping to other things. Sometimes there are so many thoughts in the back of our minds that are just waiting their turn. The biggest thing I have needed to do, that the hiatus opened up to me.. that I've known but haven't tried taking the steps... is showing myself forgiveness. I haven't been allowing myself to feel positive and reassured, trusting and okay because deep in the back of my mind I've felt like I don't deserve it.


But I know, I deserve love, kindness, forgiveness and peace of mind just like everybody else.


Though, I used to say these words and give this advice to others for so long. I used to always be the cool tom-girl who was always there for her friends and knew what to say to help. To comfort others and stand up for others- but as time went on I became more tired.. so mentally exhausted and fatigued. It's been so strange now that I am being that person towards myself, giving myself that care and reassurance where I had none. Getting that reassurance from others where I wouldn't have needed it before. But I'm doing my best to embrace it, I need it- I need to.


It lifted this weight off my shoulders, if only for a little bit. I have been working this out on my own, as I have nobody else to turn to besides myself and a select few. This allowed me then to look at my motivation issues and my art. I have let myself go work ethic-wise and artistically. The best thing I can do is to remember to not take this time for granted, to decide what to do with the time that is given to me and not to waste it. I'm on this Earth for only so much time, I can only create so much in such little time and spend time with those I love for a little while. I will be moving soon and I dont want to waste a single second longer.. I know I have been... and I just need to get up and DO IT. It's been my motto for some time.. but I was able to fully embrace it over the hiatus...


I am tired yes.. but just do it.

I am fatigued yes... but just do it.

I am struggling yes.... but just do it.


Because the more we DO, the more we get out of it. The healthier we are, the happier, and the more energy. The more change comes to pass.


So then I decided to finally buckle down and begin seriously practising again. I want to properly face my art, get better, and make my art into something I love and am proud of, I want to learn to fall in love with this medium that swept me off my feet again. To do what I love and love what I do.


  1. I have been learning how to make my digital art look like traditional art, and it won't be perfect at the beginning. But with more time and practice and proper guidance, ill get better.

  2. I have a current focus on portraits and will slowly branch out.

  3. I am going to be finally focusing on concept art & character design. Along the way making paintings and fun illustrations along the way.

  4. Though my art is shown as practice and fun drawings, I am going to start making art focused on concepts, designs, studies and more.

  5. I want to hammer down on studying. I am not a professional, I'm only still a student but I want to share that process with everyone. I am going to be a student only for a little while longer. I will share my sketches and studies too.

  6. My socials have condensed again; YouTube will be a major focus moving reels and other projects to YouTube videos, Twitch for community interactions, Instagram for a portfolio, KOFI for the eventual shop and my email list on my website for further behind-the-scenes fun.

  7. Begin expanding my shop on KOFI to digital products.

  8. Begin truly painting again and participating in local art events.


For the Rest of this Year:


I am going to take it a little bit at a time and introduce and try things a little bit at a time. I have a horrible habit of trying to stretch myself too thin, and I want to stop that habit by focusing on things little by little. Project by project, stream by stream, art piece by art piece. So I will focus on YouTube video projects, my studies and making updated email lists WEEKLY with ideas, brain blurbs and more. My art and its improvement will take top priority, and my content will show that. I have figured out a focus... now I need to Lock In.


I made a YouTube video for the hiatus as well:


Thank you all once again for your patience, I will continue to update and share new fun ideas and behind-the-scenes work with everyone going forward. I want to find more ways to get you all involved <3

~ Wani



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